“To Harry Potter - the boy who lived!”
I want to go home.
I cant sleep and someone stole my masquerade mask. Yeah, it was only a fiver but still. Atm, thats expensive for me.
:/ :/ :/ so unimpressed.
I can’t take it any more
I want you, I want you, I want you to show me love
Just take me on the floor
I can give you more
You kill me, you kill me, you kill me with your touch” —The Veronicas
Seeing my flatmates with their other halves this week has made me realise that I wish I had someone.
Quite sad tbh.
I feel like a piece of me is missing.
I’m getting text withdrawals already.
I want to be back to me. Back to the old Kate where I can feel good about myself. I want to go back to liking what I see in the mirror and not comparing myself to other girls.
I don’t want to be perfect. I don’t want to be something I’m not. But I’m sick of this constant feeling of unhappiness, and the tiredness and the headaches.
I want to stop feeling lonely. I’m sick of feeling alone in a room full of people. I’m sick of faking smiles and laughs. I’m sick of being the empty shell that I seem to have become over the past few months.
It doesn’t seem to matter how much work I do. How much I try to keep myself occupied to stop my mind from wandering, it doesn’t work. I still look at myself and see something I don’t like.
Forgive me for dragging down the mood. And forgive me for not being what everyone wants me to be.
I’m sorry for not being perfect. I’m sorry for not being pretty.
But I’m working on it.
I can stay in Waterside (Y)
Damn Unite messing up my housing. AAAND I now pay £100 LESS rent than I should :D hahaa xx
You’re a cunt.
So I have a job interview in an hour.
And i feel like I’m going to be sick.
So i’ve been thinking about stuff recently. Which tbh, is never a good thing for me. But I don’t know. I’ve had a lot of spare time on my hands. And thats when I start to think, even though I shouldn’t. ‘coz most of the time I get upset.
But lately, it’s not been about something upsetting. Its just been well, stuff. Random flickers of thoughts that disappear as soon as I think them. They don’t linger. They just go.
And it turns out. I like it that way. I’m not dwelling on things as much now. Especially, one thing. Because my question was answered and now, I can fullly move on. Because I know it wasn’t me.
And I think. I’m finally ready to start trusting people again. I think now, now I know I’ve moved on and I’m not spending time getting upset by thinking about it that I can FINALLY go back to being me, the me that didn’t worry about what people thought of her. Or what he thought.
Uni, through a number of reasons, has helped me realise that I’m a lot better off. That, I’m better than him. That while he’s off slaving away on minimum wage for the rest of his life, waiting for his ‘music career’ to take off, that I can get a good job, and show him that honestly, he was a distraction. He was someone who, helped me get through the month before I moved away.
Honestly, I’m glad I came away single. Having someone 200 miles away would have killed me. It would have. I would not be able to get away with what I’m doing down here. But to be honest, I haven’t even started yet.
Eugh. I feel like I’m falling to pieces today.
Just need a cuddle, sympathy and a vodka shot.